December 16, 2009


I used to dream of having ‘Dr.’ in front of my name and nothing else. Now I dream about being happy for once.

www.makesmethink.com

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March 1, 2010


today, my organic chemistry professor told us a story. he had gone from south africa to cambridge to get his PHD. his first night, he was invited to a party at a place called the Flophouse (“and you all well know what would happen in such an establishment”). He went upstairs to use the restroom and found a man passed out the bathtub. That man turns out to be Francis Crick, as in Watson and Crick, the nobel prize laureates for discovering the double helix of DNA. Our professor then said “I wanted very much to shake his hand, so I did so, and left him there.”

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July 8, 2010


if you are giving a presentation involving the brain, you should at least be able to pronounce the structures. occipital. Ox-sip-it-al, bitch.

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July 15, 2010


my TA’s favorite words:

frickin’

cornhole

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August 31, 2010


why yes, textbook, an action potential is just like a toilet.

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September 20, 2010


brb. dropping out of school.

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September 23, 2010


dear religious studies department,

something is wrong when i can identify the graduate students as belonging to your department by

a. their facial hair

b. their smell

c. their soy latte

d. their visibly soiled clothing

e. any combination of the above

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david bowie in south lawn commons

oh wait, it’s a woman.

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September 27, 2010


too distracted researching graduate schools to study

oh the irony.

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October 19, 2010


why is the future so damn terrifying?

seriously.

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November 1, 2010


  • asian: excuse me, missus, have you heard about the gospel?
  • me: i'm not interested, but thank you.
  • asian: what's you're name?
  • me: jessica
  • asian: bessie?
  • me: jessica
  • asian: betsy?
  • me: jessica
  • asian: have a nice day
  • MY LIFE

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November 3, 2010


letters to people in my life today

Dear South Lawn Starbucks,

Thanks for not scoffing at me or having the expression of wanting to put my eyes under the steam nozzle when I order my Skim Sugar-Free 2-Pump Extra Hot Vanilla Latte. Is it because people always order like douche bags at starbucks? Greenberry’s always shames me into microwaving my latte and dealing with it’s syrupy sweetness.

thanks for that.

Dear Asian Guy in my Anthro class,

why do you always laugh that same patronizing laugh whenever any white person in our class says anything about any Asian country. My paper topic on seppuku was concise and well constructed. Why do you have to laugh like I’m some japanophile who sits at home with one hand down my pants and the other flipping through my manga? YOU AREN’T EVEN JAPANESE.

go die.

Dear Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffin,

I thank the bakery gods every day that I don’t have body issues. I will consume your 470 calories with gusto and revel in your 49% carbohydrate/46% fat caloric ratio. May your glucose travel swiftly into my blood stream, pass my blood-brain barrier, and nourish my neuronal processes. <3

omnomnom

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December 2, 2010


WHAT

you have your headphones in. your music, however, is blasting out of your speakers for everyone to hear. Andre 3000? Really? How can you not see everyone giving you evil glares? Eventually you’d think you realize. But it’s been 20 minutes. MUSIC DOESN’T EVEN SOUND THE SAME THROUGH HEADPHONES AS IT DOES SPEAKERS. oh my god. go die.

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December 9, 2010


calm down, UVA

Today is the first official day of finals and:

-There are cubicles and booths in Clemons that are personally decorated

-I have witnessed a female asian student sponge bathing in the restroom sink

-Clemons is in utter squalor, there is food and papers everywhere

-A man is napping with a blanket

chill out, guys. and for the love of god please go home at the end of everyday.

On an unrelated note, I have been wearing the same tights as pants for 4 days.

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December 14, 2010


can i just

get some final grades back, please?

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